My Charitable Son

I was up at 5.45 am to prepare my son for school. After nearly 5 minutes of wheedling, he finally awoke and of course griped about not getting enough sleep and he had an ache in his arms…he would need an arm sling to go to school. (Yesterday it was his left leg and had requested a crutch!). After mustering every atom of my strength to pull him out of bed, he nagged his way to the bathroom to brush his teeth and bathe, whilst I prepared his breakfast of Nutella on toast. I had to pack an “extra” meal for him as he often comes back home with hardly a ringgit on him, and usually offering his lunch to every kid in school I guess.

He had came home from school yesterday and handed me a ringgit of his pocket money. His dad had given him RM4 in the morning before sending him off to school with Zul. After inquiring for the rest, he nonchalantly told me….,

Son: I had given the money to my friend, mama
Me: Why?
Son: Oh, because he had no money to eat.
Me: Yeah, but you guys were already heading back home, why dial nak duit lagi?
Son: Mmmmm….donno….?? He said..nak 1 ringgit, so I give lah.. (smiling fretfully…)After nagging and telling him about the dangers of handing your money to strangers, he had agreed to not do it again. Fine.

His father came home and asked him what he did with the pocket money Uncle Zul had given him this morning. Confused, I queried…Zul had given him money too?

Yes, he said, RM4 from me and another RM4 from Zul. He had RM8 on him this morning. I could see my son pale faced and was stoic as a rock….creeping slowly, unnoticed while singing “All Star” all the way to the bedroom.

EZANE!!!!!!!!!!!!! I cried out to my firstborn.

Son : Actually, I was doing sommersaults in school and the money fell out. I lost it all. And mama, I bought Ben 10 jigsaw puzzle from the book shop, a Solivite, keropok lekor, and ice cream..and my friend “pau’ed” a ringgit from me.
Me :Why didn’t you tell me this earlier? What happened to the rest of the money, Zane?
Son: Donno. I forgot lah!!!!
My son.

She

She is my best friend. My sounding board. Partner in crime. My cousin. How many people can say that your best friend happens to be your cousin? Try and beat that!!!

We’ve been stuck together like glue for as long as I can remember and I cherish every moment spent with her. We’ve been through thick and thin, through hardship, starvation, emotional turmoils, lousy men, etc….feuding families, you name it.
We sat next to each other in kindie, went to the same school in primary, and secondary. We coincidentally took the same course in college, ended up in the same class and graduated pretty much the same time. We parted ways shortly after, only meeting up once a while to catch up on the latest gossips, clubbing.

She’s married to my best friend and is deliriously happy with him. She had found her soul mate, I would believe! I’m glad for her. She cleaned up well. You see, it wasn’t an easy breeze being who we are. We were labeled the black sheep of the family, but we had stuck together and proved the ‘bitches’ wrong.
She’s the only soul in the world who gets a kick of my “Redneck Texan” accent and would laugh at my jokes. Loves my “Yo Mama” jokes and could fall off her chair, laughing with hysterics!!!!1 We could talk crap for hours on end, bitch about the world and joke about it. She has been my pillar of strength through my trying times and I appreciate what she has done for me. Remember my first presentation babe? I hauled ass and tossed my cookies and cried all the way…. Yuck!!!! We couldn’t give a “rodent’s flipside” about what others might think of us. Everyone seems always have something supportive’ to say bout us, kan? That shows they really do give a damn………………..NOT!!!! I sometimes wish that they see life the way we do and actually live it.

She has stood by me, became my family when my own had forsaken me. My shoulder to cry on and a true confidant. She has been really tolerant with me for so long and what can I say? There will never be others who can ever replace you. And I love you to death. Till death do us part ok, pardner????
She’s my best friend, cousin, partner in crime, really!
A fine lady who had been there for me through thick and thin, the only soul that I divulge everything to. She has been my life line, family, friend, and she plays a crucial part of my existence, especially when everyone else in the world thinks I’m a letdown. She is my pillar of strength when my world came crashing down on me.

Luv ya!!!!
What I’ll miss:

Our road trips

Our “what if” chats in our hotel room.

Having our seafood dinner kat Genting House after a long hard day.

Our bitching sessions, and to forget our crying ones too.

The road blocks with JPJ. That one’s a classic!!!!! Note the big “L” sign on my forehead woman!!! I will NEVER forget that scene you pulled with the pegawai….

Singing to Daddy Yankee and of course, I’m horny!!!!

Tak Melayu Hilang Di Dunia

While watching a Malay show this morning, (I was bitching as usual of course!) my hubby and I got into a heated showdown on why I have this sheer hatred for the Malays. Yes, I do realize I’m a Malay woman, born to a Malay father and a Filipino mom. But I can’t help but loathing the fact that I’m a Malay sometimes.

I don’t detest the Malays, don’t get me wrong!! It’s just that I’m repulsed on how blase they are on their views on life and its values. They’re a bunch of lazy narcissistic bunch who thinks they’re so privileged, simply because of their Bumi status, that they’re impervious to change!!!! I have a lot of Malay friends who shares the same opinion as I do. I ain’t gonna get my panties in a twist and label myself as being racially prejudiced. I’m just not too fond of them, that is all. Racism aside, the Malays tend to be unbending to change. We have this obsession on being the best at all our endeavors, but find ourselves failing miserably, “The Jack of all trades, but master of none! We always pin the blame on others for our failures.

”Dalam setandan pisang, tak kesemuanya busuk”

Nonetheless, I do hold reverence for a man who I truly admire. Tun Mahathir and his ideologies on how to “reform” the mindset of this pitiable bunch we call the “Malays. During his reign as our premier, he was devastated by the fact that he wasn’t able to accomplish his aim in reforming the Malays. He wanted the Malays to prosper and thrive, to be on par with other races in terms of modernization and economic change. He said that he had failed miserably in ‘revolutionizing” us. He saw that we were lagging and wouldn’t budge!!! The Malays are too contented being where they are. After battling tooth and nail for our rights for 22 years, he admitted defeat saying that we were unbending and stubborn to face any “change” that was handed to us. We “bitched” way too much. Masuk angin keluar asap!!! He created a furor for voicing his thoughts, rapped for uttering the ‘Melayu Mudah Lupa” catchphrase. We tend be a ‘hangat- hangat tahi ayam’ lot! We are half hearted when it comes to our pursuits, never doing anything all the way, hauling our ass at the slightest hint of peril! We’re constantly trying to find our footing in the world, (for well over a 100 years and complaining still) when everything is served to us in a silver platter. We failed to see the opportunity being served to us, but rather nitpicking on how the prospect’s being served. And yes, and it has to come with a silver spoon……and a manual. And yet we bitch on why we’re lagging behind others. D’UHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

We have been leading a sheltered life for way too long. The untouchables!!!

Don’t even get me started on our men. Like Hang Tuah once said “Takkan Melayu Hilang Di Dunia” but shortly after expressing these famous words, he hauled his warrior ass and disappeared into oblivion!!!! Some warrior!

Missing Myself

I’ve been bitching a lot in my postings lately, lots of angry thoughts swirling in my head….surprise, surprise.

Truth is, I am MISERABLE.

Don’t get me wrong, I love having my babies with me, at least my nights aren’t so lonely now. How I wish I could be “ME’ and still be a good mother to my children. There are restrictions of what of what I can do and it bums me out. Instead, I’m cooped up at home, cooking, cleaning. I don’t really have time out for myself. How do I say this without sounding like a self-centered biatch?? The truth is, I miss ME. I miss having some time for myself. I’m frazzled all the freaking time. It doesn’t help that I constantly have guests here all the bloody time. I want to watch TV whenever I feel like it, even sleeping in late, sitting on my couch, laptop on my lap…., THIS IS MY BLOODY HOUSE!! Tried telling him about this, but all I got was SILENCE! Learn sure to deal.

I’m tired of wearing a mask and to keep everything bottled up inside. I’ve been doing this my entire life. I want a chance of living for ME for a change. Is that too much to ask? Well, I guess it is. It cuts like a knife and I’m deeply wounded. I don’t know how long it’ll take,.let’s just hope it’ll pass before I go absolutely bonkers!!!!!!! I seriously don’t know how much more of this I can take, dreading each day, wishing it’s all a bad dream and that I would snap out of it. Some say it’ll pass…something good will come out of it, they seem bloody sure of it. Time is moving at a slug like pace and it’s difficult to deal.

My life has become pretty routine and somewhat mundane. I used to be this free spirited woman, but now it’s becoming pathetic….All I see is myself sitting in a corner, waiting for my life to start. How can I live like this? And for how long? This is it for me?

Self Loathing

26th December 2009.

I am fat. I feel fat. I feel like my ass is spreading its cheeks like ‘kembang semangkuk” the malays call it. My jeans feels a bit snug and my bra is somehow cutting off the air supply to the rest of my body. I’m eating like a bloody swine and everything I chow down immediately takes up residence in my ass…and my chest..and my face…everywhere. I feel utterly useless at this point as I have feel like I’ve lost my entire self possession.

I hate being fat, and the fact that I’m prohibited from making a living certainly has its effect on me. When I’m cooped up at home.. well, there’s nothing much to do except eat…till kingdom comes. I’m not sure if I can take this anymore as I am hurting myself

I miss working and the financial freedom that comes with it. I miss being in control of my own life and my spending. Not being dependent on anyone. I’ve been quite self-sufficient all my life, but now I just feel like a worthless nobody.

5 Hours of Freedom

After being a good girl for the past 2 weeks, meaning taking instructions without argue, keeping my mouth shut when I’m about to scream profanities, I was finally allowed a few hours of freedom…, it gets better…I get to do it alone!!
5 hours of sheer peaceful bliss all by myself. Call me a loner, recluse, but I love my freedom more than ever before.

Arrived at “The Curve” at 3pm and headed to Starbucks for my Mocha Frapp!! Yum!!!1
Sat down and dived into my book..pausing briefly to watch shoppers in their Christmas shopping frenzy, that was a sight for sore eyes, at least for mine lah.
being cooped up at home for months, I was certainly a breather to be finally be out. I get to be myself again. I can read in peace, and drink my coffee, not caring about the rest of the world. Now, that’s utter bliss for me. Pure and simple. I really cherish my time alone as it is sort of a luxury for me these days.

*Double Sigh*

Reminiscing

My hubby got talking last night reminiscing our younger days as kids. In my previous post, I had written about the “stuff’ i did when I was a kid.

As for him, it was a whole different ball game.He had led a pretty "sheltered" life, shall we say! As the youngest member of the family, the “adik” wasn’t allowed outside as he was ‘allergic’ to sand, grass and MY GOD, the SUN!!!he would have this really breakouts - I called them ‘kudis’ though he had another word for it. Hahahaha.
Whenever he went outside, he would have to wear knee length stockings to “protect” his bits.

He has always gotten his way with his parents, and they would always give in to his demands for toys and sorts. If he didn’t get the things he wanted, he would throw a fit and scream bloody murder till his parents were forced to give in to his demands. (I got this scoop from his mom and his siblings..all 6 of them)

“Kereta kayuh”, Hot wheels, plastic soldiers all sissy stuff- lah. Lets just say, he was into indoor games..unlike me, I loved playing outdoors, hence the scars on my forehead, legs and arms..from faling off trees, balconies…cars, bikes…u name it…I’ve got the scars to prove it. *wink*

Now that I’ve got kids of my own, I sometimes quietly observe each and every one of them. Ezane is a quiet little boy, with a soft and gentle nature. The best son a mother could ever hope for. He’s obedient and mellow. He’s the best brother a sister could ever ask for too. Very much into dinos, animals, and transformers. Loves Science. He can do the somersault with just one hand quite fabulously, very athletic, loves the outdoors, unlike me …, a S-L-U-G!!. He has not once raised his voice to me and he’s big on hugs. Doesn’t eat anything else other than bread with Nutella and apples. Yes, the apple of my eyes!!!

Little Erin can be quite a handful at times. A dare devil I’d say. My days are usually spent chasing her around the house, pulling her down from the grill, TV bench, dining table. She can be quite ‘tenacious’ sometimes…, if she doesn’t get her way, she’ll scream bloody murder till you give in to her demands. Loves to pose for the camera. A little ankle biter, that girl!! Unlike her big bro, she’s got a quite an appetite, for yogurt and mango.

How I wish I could have more clowns to spend my days with! My life would be a circus!!!!