Smoking Hazard........




I lit a ciggie after dinner last nite and leisurely puffing away, minding my own business.My son opened the sliding door and was visibly sad by what he saw.

He said "Mama, why do you want to isap rokok again? Later your lungs will turn black and you will die. Who's gonna take care of me and Erin then? Erin kecik lagi.

I looked at him in disbelief and amazement. My son has grown so much and can finally see that his mum is literally killing herself. He's worried, i know. I've been smoking this shit since i was in school and had never stopped since. I light up when i'm stressed, when i run out of ideas to write, with friends,i smoke even more when i'm alone...tried to stop...nicotine patch, pills,etc but i tend to eat more. I become this horrible grumpy bitch and i tend to scare people away by being so mean to them. To the very people who genuinely cares for my well- being and health. Concerned mortals who loves me enuff to remind me. Worst of all, how cud i betray my son's trust? Why do i still do it.

I've read everything from the book by Alan Carr (konon bestseller!) That went bust...

The only time i stopped was when i had an asthma attack 2 years back. I was sick, grumpy 24/7. Shahril couldn't stand being around me. That's how i'm when i'm sick & can't smoke. A freakin' time bomb.

It's time. If not for my health, then it would be for my babies. I want to see them grow up, thru college, get married.


I want to be their future, not their past.........

My Babies.....................


I really miss my babies. It’s been 6 days since I last saw my babies and it breaks my heart when I hear Ezane askin me when I’ll be home. I miss little Erin too. I miss seeing her in her walker, her tiny fingers trying to open the drawer cabinets, licking the TV remote. I miss breathing in her baby smell…I miss bathing her…putting her to sleep in my arms…I even miss changing her pam-pam. I miss watching Ben 10 and 300 with Ezane. I miss sending him to school in the mornings.. I miss putting him to sleep beside me at nite… Sumtimes I wonder…What kind of a mother am i? Am I doing enuff ? Am I doing my best to shelter them from the cruel harsh reality of the world? I want to be there when she takes her first steps….but I just can’t afford to stay home. God….I miss them soooooooooo much it hurts… I’ll be travelling again to Johor and Melaka 2moro..I don’t know when I’ll see them again…but I don’t have a choice. brought them into the world and it’s my responsibility to provide them with the best possible care a mother could give. I wish there were more hours in the day though! *sigh*…………….. Maybe I can bring them to the Dino Park in Lake Gardens this weekend.

Ezane called me in Temerloh and gleefully told me that Erin is teething. Can’t wait to go home to them

I Did It My M*#@F*&%@*? Way!!!!

This lyrics means a lot to me!!!!!! Thought i wud share it with you people!!!

And now, the end is near;
And so I face the final curtain.
My friend, I'll say it clear,
I'll state my case, of which I'm certain.
I've lived a life that's full.
I've traveled each and ev'ry highway;
But more, much more than this,
I did it my way.
Regrets, I've had a few;
But then again, too few to mention.
I did what I had to do
And saw it through without exemption.
I planned each charted course;
Each careful step along the byway,
But more, much more than this,
I did it my way.
Yes, there were times, I'm sure you knew
When I bit off more than I could chew.
But through it all, when there was doubt,
I ate it up and spit it out.
I faced it all and I stood tall;
And did it my way.
I've loved, I've laughed and cried.
I've had my fill; my share of losing.
And now, as tears subside,
I find it all so amusing.
To think I did all that;
And may I say - not in a shy way,
"No, oh no not me,
I did it my way".
For what is a man, what has he got?
If not himself, then he has naught.
To say the things he truly feels;
And not the words of one who kneels.
The record shows I took the blows -
And did it my way!

After All We've Been Through...*sigh*

Well here we are again
I guess it must be fate
We've tried it on our own
But deep inside we've known
We'd be back to set things straight

I still remember when
Your kiss was so brand new
Every memory repeats
Every step I take retreats
Every journey always brings me back to you

After all the stops and starts
We keep coming back to these two hearts
Two angels who've been rescued from the fall
After all that we've been through
It all comes down to me and you
I guess it's meant to be
Forever you and me
After all

When love is truly right
It lives from year to year
It changes as it goes
And on the way it grows
But it never disappears

Always just beyond my touch
You know I needed you so much
After all, what else is living for?

Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away

And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today

‘Cause I love you, whether it’s wrong or right

And though I can’t be with you tonightYou know my heart is by your side



Sceptics!

Where do I start?

Just came back from a trip to Melaka. Wasn’t suppose to stay overnite but the response was fantastic. Fantastic is an understatement. It was mega, superbly, well received! We’ve got real leaders in the making there. We call her “Minah Redah”….which means to gate crash…I met a lot of ppl with different illnesses and felt very sorry for them. I wish I was filthy rich so that I could help them. These are ppl who genuinely needs help but…..*sigh*…. This particular lady reached out to me. This sweet ol’ lady is only 60+ but she looks 80+. Suffering from arthiritis, she’s on homeopathic treatment but her condition is still the same, though. Her son is 47+ and suffering form what I gather a mild stroke, but his family insisted that he’s mentally ill . I don’t think he is but who am I to say anything? It breaks my heart to know that there are ppl out there who desperately needs this product but couldn’t afford it, but u have this rich bastards who’s filthy rich but prefers hospital medication. And they’re intellectuals!!!! What are they scared of? Scared of trying? Do they even know what they put in those pills they’re taking? Chemicals!

I know this works, I’ve seen it with my own eyes, even tried it and I feel great. I was a skeptic (I’m not that well myself) but this product seriously made me feel better. I no longer suffer from asthma attacks and I don’t feel sluggish when I wake up in the mornings. *sigh*…. I wish that I could overcome my fear of confined spaces…yup..yup..yup…I’m a claustrophobic!
Just wish that some ppl would just try it out and see the wonders it does to you.

“You see things; and you say, 'Why?' But I dream things that never were; and I say, 'Why not?'”

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I’M NOW A BELIEVER!!!!

“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.”


Yo' Mama Jokes!!!

Yo mama so ugly when she joined an ugly contest, they said "Sorry, no professionals."

Yo mama so ugly the government moved Halloween to her birthday.

Yo mama so ugly when they took her to the beautician it took 12 hours. .
.for a quote!

Yo mama so ugly she made an onion cry!

Yo mama so fat she got Baptised at Sea World.

Your momma so old, she owes Fred Flintstone a food stamp

Yo mama so poor that when i stepped on a cigarette she cried, hey, who turned off the heater.

Yo Mama's teeth are so yellow, cars slow down when she smiles!

Yo mama's so damn fat that when she was kidnapped her face covered every side of the milk carton!

Yo mama so stupid she sat on the tv and watched the couch.

Yo Mama so damn old she used to Gang Bang with the Flintstones and had an affair with Captain Caveman.

Your mama's so old that we looked her up in the yearbook, we found Jesus!

Your mama's so old, she sat next to Jesus in 3rd grade

Your mama's so old,

Yo momma's so old, she knew Burger King while he was still a prince.

Yo momma's so old, her birth-certificate expired.

Yo momma's so old, she ran track with dinosaurs.

Yo momma's so old, she has a picture of Jesus in her yearbook.

Yo momma's so old, she was a waitress at the last supper.

Yo momma's so old, she has a picture of Moses in her yearbook.

Yo momma's so old, she's got Jesus' beeper number.

Yo momma's so old, when she was in school there was no history class.

Yo momma's so fat, she makes Free Willy look like a tic tac

Yo momma's so fat, when we played hide and seek I spotted her behind the Himalayas

Yo momma's so fat, when she walked in front of the TV I missed 3 commercials

Yo momma's so fat, the whale from Free Willy freed her

Yo momma's so fat, the last time she saw 90210 was on the scale

Yo momma's so fat, when she steps on the scale it says one at a time please

Yo momma's so fat, when she steps on the scale it says sorry we don't do livestock

Yo momma's so fat, when she bends over we miss 2 days of sunlight

Yo momma's so fat, when she goes to a restaurant she gets and estimate

Yo momma's so fat, at a restaurant when they give her the menu she replies " yes Please"

Yo momma's so fat, when she went to the beach Greenpeace tried to drag her back in the water.

Yo momma's so fat, when she went to get a water bed, they put a blanket across Lake Michigan.

Yo momma's so fat, when she sat on a rainbow, Skittle's fell out.

Yo momma's so fat, and you're so poor, when she comes in your house the tires pop.

Yo momma's so fat, she don't know whether she's walking or rolling.

Yo momma's so fat, when she tiptoes, everyone yells "Stampede!"

Yo momma's so fat, when she farts the whole planet came out.

Yo momma's so fat, she makes sumo wrestlers look anorexic.

Yo momma's so fat, her car is made of spandex.

Yo momma's so fat, we're inside her right now.

Yo momma's so fat, she makes Big Bird look like a rubber duck.

Yo momma's so fat, one day when she got in a fight the person fighting her got lost in her.

Yo momma's so fat, when she wore a shirt with an AA on it, people thought it was American Airlines biggest jet.

Yo momma's so fat, if she were an aeroplane, she'd be a jumbo jet.

Yo momma's so fat, one day she was lifting up her rolls and a car fell out.

Yo momma's so fat, Dr. Martens had to kill 3 cows just to make her a pair of shoes.

Yo momma's so fat, when she goes to an all you can eat buffet, they have to install speed bumps.

Yo momma's so fat, she can't stay on a basketball court for three seconds without getting called for a key violation.

Yo mama so fat that she climbed Mt. Fuji with one step.

Yo momma's so fat, all the chairs in her house have seatbelts.

Yo momma's so fat, she smells like bacon at 90 degrees.

Yo momma's so fat, I had to take a train and two busses just to get on her good side.

Yo momma's so fat, when she hauls ass, she has to make two trips.

Yo momma's so fat, when she hauls ass, she has friends come help.

Slutty Bitch........


What can i say?

We finish each other's sentences, insults, and sumtimes.........food! She's headstrong and stubborn and just plain weird. She puts you in a daze. Some ppl just don't get her. She's weird......
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wonderfully weird

She's got two volumes.....
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loud.... and
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LOUDER!!!!!!!

She's talks about crap and more crap as the day goes by........but at the end of the day.... it makes perfect sense. With her hill billy accent, she's on a roll wherever she's at. Most ppl view her as an over- confident bitch with an attitude....... but i like her. Not only b coz she's my friend, but a damn good friend at that. We've known each other like forever...eversince kindergarten, primary, secondary school (i got kicked out half way thru school) and went to the same college.

We parted ways after that.....until i got my dear friend hooked on her (long story there.....). They got hitched and been happily married since. They're VERY loving (i know this first hand) and I love her to death. She was there 4 me when all they others was a no-show. We starved,(yana, if ur reading this, remember the cokodok episode?) cried ,vented our anger on each other but we remain true to each other. I don't usually tee a person up, but for her...it is an exception. She believes in me (not many ppl do that) and sees me for who i really i'am. I don't have to pretend to be somenone else when iam with her. I'm truly blessed that we have each other's friendship. Her name is Tantiyana. Yana or Slutty Bitch.

Ol' Friends.............Are Hard To Find.....

Had a wonderful nite last Tuesday. found a long lost dear friend from school and we agreed to meet up to have dinner. We merely text-ed each other to communicate. Babu finally called me in the afternoon. It was so good to hear from him. He sounded the same in the phone. We finally agreed to meet for dinner in Uptown Damansara@8.00pm. There i was, waiting for this fucker to show up and he finally came @ 8.30pm. Words could not describe how i felt when i saw him.............not alone.............but with 2 other long lost friends, Nanwi & Ain. Wanted to scream my bloody lungs out but there were too many ppl there. I hugged them and said i missed them so much. I do......

We lost contact 10 years ago due to a falling out. Major falling out.Looooong story. I swore that i'd never be friends with them ever again. But this all changed when "someone" gave me Babu's hp no. Shahril called and found out that he's back in KL for a holiday. He was over the moon when he heard Shahril's voice..........
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During our time apart, Ain had married Nanwi and they have 2 kids. Babu is also married with 3 boys. I married Shahril and have 2 beautiful boy n girl. Only Babu married an "outsider", others married ppl within the group. Anyhoo, we had dinner and we ended up talking and borak2 till 2.30am. We didn't want that nite to end but Ain's children were restless...Pity them pulak. We finally went home and Nanwi said that during our time apart, he kept coming back to the same gerai to look for us....even handed the stall owner his hp no, just in case i'm there to makan2. Sadly, we never crossed paths. After all this while, we found out that they're actually staying just a mere 8 minutes from i live. All these years...... He said that we should forget our differences and be best friends again. True. I just hope that i won't lose them again. Then we drove off........reluctantly in different directions. Will we ever meet again? Will we ever be best of friends again?
Now i have sumthin to say.....certainly not a topic of my choice but i just have to say what i feel.

I was absolutely esthatic when i came to the office today...I was looking forward to meet up an extremely ol' friend from my days in Damansara.

Until......................

My gang and i were called to the HOD's office for a briefing.....

Apparently I won't be travelling anymore after this...it seems that the "newbies" are not well equipped with knowledge to handle BOM's on our own...... I was pissed and quietly screaming profanities within myself.....what the fuck????? I need the money....urggghhhhhhhhhh....

But..........................

I don't blame them at all. I do have this phobia that i can't get rid of and it's speaking in public. I freeze when i get on stage. I'm more of a behind-the-scenes kinda person. I don't like attention and prefer myself to be cast in the shadows. I don't enjoy being in the limelight. I don't like confrontations and don't like being in a cross-fire. My boss says that i have a very low self esteem and very low confidence level. That i do admit.....Sometimes i ponder.....why the hell am i so scared?
Of what? Being laughed at? Being called a loser? Lecturer?

Why am i like this? What am i really scared of? Me failing up there?

Whatever....all I know is that i need to buck up before they trust me to handle BOM's alone...personal achievement for me too. I know i can, failure is not an option. I have to do it and i'll do it!!!! No choice ma!!!! Either that or i fail!!! I will not travel till i get my gig to be perfect, flawless!!!! I love my job and i intend of keeping it. I love my colleagues to death coz they're like me in a way...quirky and emo at the same time. Weird combination, i know but i love them. They make my day (sometimes..other times they can just be just so FUCKING annoying and horny like u have no idea). We're a team and a really mean it!!!!! I'll write more about them in my next posting..rite now..how do i perfect my BOM??????


You grow on people, but so does cancer.