I lit a ciggie after dinner last nite and leisurely puffing away, minding my own business.My son opened the sliding door and was visibly sad by what he saw.
He said "Mama, why do you want to isap rokok again? Later your lungs will turn black and you will die. Who's gonna take care of me and Erin then? Erin kecik lagi.
I looked at him in disbelief and amazement. My son has grown so much and can finally see that his mum is literally killing herself. He's worried, i know. I've been smoking this shit since i was in school and had never stopped since. I light up when i'm stressed, when i run out of ideas to write, with friends,i smoke even more when i'm alone...tried to stop...nicotine patch, pills,etc but i tend to eat more. I become this horrible grumpy bitch and i tend to scare people away by being so mean to them. To the very people who genuinely cares for my well- being and health. Concerned mortals who loves me enuff to remind me. Worst of all, how cud i betray my son's trust? Why do i still do it.
I've read everything from the book by Alan Carr (konon bestseller!) That went bust...
The only time i stopped was when i had an asthma attack 2 years back. I was sick, grumpy 24/7. Shahril couldn't stand being around me. That's how i'm when i'm sick & can't smoke. A freakin' time bomb.
It's time. If not for my health, then it would be for my babies. I want to see them grow up, thru college, get married.
I want to be their future, not their past.........
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