Erin. B

I was sitting on my couch, head buried intently in a book when Erin shouted from the kitchen…”Mama, you want me to make Milo for you? It suddenly dawned on me that my baby girl is going to be five.
5.
That is almost six. That is almost time for school. First, she will have to attend kindergarten. I’m sad to let her go nonetheless, but I’ve got to. She needs her independence, friends, most importantly she needs her education. She’s becoming such a monkey at home and I realize that I have to let her go. I’m going to miss having her home with me. I’m going to miss fighting for the remote when I want to watch my cooking show and she wants to watch her cartoons. I’m going to miss the afternoon naps that we take together. Sigh.
 
2010:
Erin B. enjoying her dinner in the garden 2010.
This year:
Universal Studios, Singapore 2012. Taken with her older brother, Ezane H.
She’s grown so much. So, so much. Nothing quite captures just how fast time goes by until you watch a child grow up before your very eyes. Seriously. We were out last night and she stood up and said “be right back mama, I’m going to wash my hands”. Her older brother got up to follow her and she said ”NO! Abang sit down.Tisha go” and started walking away from me in the middle of the restaurant. I put the kibosh on that pretty quickly, but that is just a testament to how independent she thinks she is. And she did it…..with soap!!!!!!
I love how I can actually have a conversation with her now. I love how she is empathetic and can tell me when her big brother is hurting ( Ezane H. was down with food poisoning last week) , and can tell me why she is frustrated or happy or whatever. I love that she can connect “You don’t love Tisha” with the fact that I wouldn’t let her do something she wanted to do (even though that isn’t necessarily my favorite thing to hear). I’m called a donkey (from her favourite Shrek movie, what else?) if I nag when she piles on too much food on her plate (which is always the trigger to my nagging-ness, or when I bising while picking up after her mess or when sing off key. She is making connections and can control her emotions and I love seeing how grown up she is becoming with it all. My only regret is that it took me forever to realize that I’m now a mother and that my kids mean the world to me. Dumb ass I know.
 
I’ve got about 10 months to go before our turn for 5 is actually here, and I’m eager to see how else my little baby evolves. This also means I’ve got 10 months to continue going through denial. Please, for the love of God, make no mention of the year of Five. Mama loves you Erin B.

No Dirty Politics Here


’Im not a person politically inclined. I’m not passionate about anything political but I know enough about their deceits. Politicians are conniving scumbags.  I don’t read the newspapers, just to save me the embarrasment of reading our so called “politicians” spew words so infantile and relentless mission to deceive us for their own personal gain…or wealth to be precise.  They’re the taskforce of lying imbeciles appointed by money and corruption and not the Rakyat. If you’ve got a gun to yr head and forced to choose between “The Sodomite” and Rosmah…errrr I mean Najib for PM, Najib would seem like the lesser of 2 evils but do we really have a choice? Given the choice to me, I would want Dr. M to rule forever. Verbal, incredibly clever, a man with vision…ecetera..ecetera..ecetera.. Pak Lah was the biggest pussy ever appointed by Dr. M. A pussy who lasted only ONE term.  I dunno lah, it’s just that I’m tired of the govt’s phony displays of holiness and our politicians tainted chant of “Kami Prihatin”. Their “Perihatiness” doesn’t hold water..(air pun kena catu how lah? Pun intented). Much is left to be desired…we need our PM”s endorsement even when we nak pegi jamban, so to speak.

An elderly OKU couple I know does not get a cent of help, (although they were called for an interview several times this year alone). What was worse was that they were talked down by the officers at the Lembaga Zakat (Banting branch) and this happened in front of my very eyes, whilst their able bodied Indonesian neighbour who own 10acres of palm oil plantation gets his bantuan kebajikan from Lembaga Zakat of RM 250.00 EVERY SINGLE MONTH! The OKU couple gets a measly RM10 from some Pakatan Rakyat dude during some so called “Kami Perihatin” berbuka puasa dinner in Sentul. Macam ni kah mau pancing undi?  Politicians are not your parents. They are your servants. You don’t need a government slogan coined by a foreign PR agency to wrap your project in. You just go ahead and do it. The country is tired of being ignored and talked down to by swaggering mediocrities.
 
 
That’s my humble opinion.

Face it, Malaysia has always been a divided nation. This speech by TRH is certainly an eye opener. It shows how deep rooted corruption is at all levels of the government and other bodies in society too. Why of course!!!! Malaysia Semua Boleh kan??? In this speech, he embodied my sentiments perfectly.

Here’s the speech by TRH recently :

“Thank you for inviting me to speak with you. I am truly honoured. I have played some small role in the life of this nation, but having been on the wrong side of one or two political fights with the powers that be, I am not as close to the young people of this country as I would hope to be.

History, and the 8 o’clock news, are written by the victors. In recent years the government’s monopoly of the media has been destroyed by the technology revolution.

You could say I was also a member of the UKEC. Well I was, except that belonged to the predecessor of the UKEC by more than fifty years, The Malayan Students Union of the UK and Eire. I led this organisation in 1958/59. I was then a student of Queen’s University at Belfast, in a rather cooler climate than Kota Bharu’s.

Your invitation to participate in the MSLS was prefaced by an essay which calls for an intellectually informed activism. I congratulate you on this. The Youth of today, you note, “will chart the future of Malaysia.” You say you “no longer want to be ignored and leave the future of our Malaysia at the hands of the current generation.” You “want to grab the bull by the horns... and have a say in where we go as a society and as a nation.”I feel the same, actually. A lot of Malaysians feel the same. You are right. The present generation in power has let Malaysia down.

But also you cite two things as testimony of the importance of youth and of student activism to this country, the election results of 2008 and “the Prime Minister’s acknowledgement of the role of youth in the development of the country.”

So perhaps you are a little way yet from thinking for yourselves. The first step in “grabbing the bull by the horns” is not to required the endorsement of the Prime Minister, or any Minister, for your activism.

When I was a student our newly formed country was already a leader in the postcolonial world. We were sought out as a leader in the Afro-Asian Conference which inaugurated the Non-Aligned Movement and the G-77. The Afro-Asian movement was led by such luminaries as Zhou En-lai, Nehru, Kwame Nkrumah, Soekarno. Malaysians were seen as moderate leaders capable of mediating between these more radical leaders and the West. We were known for our moderation, good sense and reliability.

We were a leader in the Islamic world as ourselves and as we were, without our leaders having to put up false displays of piety. His memory has been scrubbed out quite systematically from our national consciousness, so you might not know this or much else about him, but it was Tengku Abdul Rahman who established our leadership in the Islamic world by coming up with the idea of the OIC and making it happen.

Under his leadership Malaysia led the way in taking up the anti-apartheid cause in the Commonwealth and in the United Nations, resulting in South Africa’s expulsion from these bodies.

Here was a man at ease with himself, made it a policy goal that Malaysia be “a happy country”. He loved sport and encouraged sporting achievement among Malaysians. He was owner of many a fine race horse.

He called a press conference and had a beer with his stewards when his horse won at the Melbourne Cup. He had nothing to hide because his great integrity in service was clear to all. Now we have religious and moral hypocrites who cheat, lie and steal in office but never have a drink, who propagate an ideologically shackled education system for all Malaysians while they send their own kids to elite academies in the West.

Speaking of football. You’re too young to have experienced the Merdeka Cup, which Tunku started. We had a respectable side in the sixties and seventies. Teams from across Asia would come to play in Kuala Lumpur. Teams such as South Korea and Japan, whom we defeated routinely. We were one of the better sides in Asia. We won the Bronze medal at the Asian games in 1974 and qualified for the Moscow Olympics in 1980. Today our FIFA ranking is 157 out of 203 countries. That puts us in the lowest quartile, below Maldives (149), the smallest country in Asia, with just 400,000 people living about 1.5 metres above sea level who have to worry that their country may soon be swallowed up by climate change. Here in ASEAN we are behind Indonesia, Thailand, Singapore, whom we used to dominate, and our one spot above basketball-playing Philippines.

The captain of our illustrious 1970’s side was Soh Chin Aun. Arumugam, Isa Bakar, Santokh Singh, James Wong and Mokhtar Dahari were heroes whose names rolled off the tongues of our schoolchildren as they copied them on the school field. It wasn’t about being the best in the world, but about being passionate and united and devoted to the game.

It was the same in Badminton, except at one time we were the best in the world. I remember Wong Peng Soon, the first Asian to win the All-England Championship, and then just dominated it throughout the 1950. Back home every kid who played badminton in every little kampong wanted to call himself Wong Peng Soon. There was no tinge of anybody identifying themselves exclusively as Chinese, Malays, Indian. Peng Soon was a Malaysian hero. Just like each of our football heroes. Now we do not have an iota of that feeling. Where has it all gone?

I don’t think it’s mere nostalgia that that makes us think there was a time when the sun shone more brightly upon Malaysia. I bring up sport because it has been a mirror of our more general performance as nation. When we were at ease with who we were and didn’t need slogans to do our best together, we did well. When race and money entered our game, we declined. The same applies to our political and economic life.

Soon after independence we were already a highly successful developing country. We had begun the infrastructure building and diversification of our economy that would be the foundation for further growth. We carried out an import-substitution programme that stimulated local productive capacity. From there we started an infrastructure buildup which enabled a diversification of the economy leading to rapid industrialisation. We carried out effective programmes to raise rural income and help with landless with programmes such as FELDA. Our achievements in achieving growth with equity were recognised around the world. We were ahead of Our peer group in economic development were South Korea, Hong Kong, Singapore and Taiwan, and we led the pack. I remember we used to send technical consultants to advise the South Koreans.

By the lates nineties, however, we had fallen far behind this group and were competing with Thailand and Indonesia. Today, according to the latest World Investment Report, FDI into Malaysia is at about a twenty year low. We are entering the peer group of Cambodia, Myanmar and the Philippines as an investment destination. Thailand, despite a month long siege of the capital, attracted more FDI than we did last year. Indonesia and Vietnam far outperform us, not as a statistical blip but consistently. Soon we shall have difficulty keeping up with The Philippines. This, I believe, is called relegation. If we take into account FDI outflow, the picture is even more interesting. Last year we received US$1.38 billion (RM4.40 billion) in investments but US$ 8.04 billion flowed out. We are the only country in Southeast Asia which has suffered nett FDI outflow. I am not against outward investment. It can be a good thing for the country. But an imbalance on this scale indicates capital flight, not mere investment overseas.

Without a doubt, Malaysia is slipping. Billions have been looted from this country, and billions more are being siphoned out as our entire political structure crumbles. Yet we are gathered here in comfort, in a country that still seems to ‘work.’ Most of the time. This is due less to good management than to the extraordinary wealth of this country. You were born into a country of immense resources both natural and cultural and social. We have been wearing down this advantage with mismanagement and corruption. With lies, tall tales and theft. We have a political class unwilling or unable to address the central issue of the day because they have grown fat and comfortable with a system built on lies and theft. It is easy to fall into the lull caused by the combination of whatever wealth has not been plundered and removed and political class that lives in a bubble of sycophancy.

I urge you not to fall into that complacency. It is time to wake up. That waking up can begin here, right here, at this conference. Not tomorrow or the day after but today. So let me, as I have the honour of opening this conference, suggest the following:

Overcome the urge to have our hopes for the future endorsed by the Prime Minister. He will have retired, and I’ll be long gone when your future arrives. The shape of your future is being determined now.

Resist the temptation to say “in line with” when we do something. Your projects, believe it or not, don’t have to be in line with any government campaign for them to be meaningful. You don’t need to polish anyone’s apple. Just get on with what you plan to do.

Do not put a lid on certain issues as “sensitive” because someone said they are. Or it is against the Social Contract. Or it is “politicisation”. You don’t need to have your conversation delimited by the hyper-sensitive among us. Sensitivity is often a club people use to hit each other with. Reasoned discussion of contentious issues builds understanding and trust. Test this idea.

It’s not “uber-liberal” to ask for an end to having politics, economic policy, education policy and everything and the kitchen sink determined by race. It’s called growing up. Go look up “liberal” in a dictionary.

Please resist the temptation to say Salam 1 Malaysia, or Salam Vision 2020 or Salam Malaysia Boleh, or anything like that. Not even when you are reading the news. It’s embarrassing. I think it’s OK to say plain old salam the way the Holy Prophet did, wishing peace unto all humanity. You say you want to “promote intellectual discourse.” I take that to mean you want to have reasonable, thought-through and critical discussions, and slogans are the enemy of thought. Banish them.

Don’t let the politicians you have invited here talk down to you. Don’t let them tell you how bright and “exuberant” you are, that you are the future of the nation, etc. If you close your eyes and flow with their flattery you have safely joined the caravan, a caravan taking the nation down a sink hole. If they tell you the future is in your hands kindly request that they hand that future over first. Ask them how come the youngest member of our cabinet is 45 and is full of discredited hacks? Our Merdeka cabinet had an average age below thirty. You’re not the first generation to be bright. Mine wasn’t too stupid. But you could be the first generation of students and young graduates in fifty years to push this nation through a major transformation. And it is a transformation we need desperately.

You will be told that much is expected of you, much has been given to you, and so forth. This is all true. Actually much has also been stolen from you. Over the last twenty five years, much of the immense wealth generated by our productive people and our vast resources has been looted. This was supposed to have been your patrimony. The uncomplicated sense of belonging fully, wholeheartedly, unreservedly, to this country, in all it diversity, that has been taken from you...

Our sense of ourselves as Malaysians, a free and united people, has been replaced by a tale of racial strife and resentment that continues to haunt us. The thing is, this tale is false.

The most precious thing you have been deprived of has been your history. Someone of my generation finds it hard to describe what must seem like a completely different country to you now. Malaysia was not born in strife but in unity. Our independence was achieved through a demonstration of unity by the people in supporting a multiracial government led by Tengku Abdul Rahman. That show of unity, demonstrated first through the municipal elections of 1952 and then through the Alliance’s landslide victory in the elections of 1955, showed that the people of Malaya were united in wanting their freedom.

We surprised the British, who thought we could not do this.

Today we are no longer as united as we were then. We are also less free. I don’t think this is a coincidence. It takes free people to have the psychological strength to overcome the confines of a racialised worldview. It takes free people to overcome those politicians bent on hanging on to power gained by racialising every feature of our life including our football teams.

Hence while you are at this conference, let me argue, that as an absolute minimum, we should call for the repeal of unjust and much abused Acts which are reversals of freedoms that we won at Merdeka.

I ask you in joining me in calling for the repeal of the ISA and the OSA. These draconian laws have been used, more often than not, as political tools rather than instruments of national security. They create a climate of fear. These days there is a trend among right wing nationalist groups to identify the ISA with the defence of Malay rights. This is a self-inflicted insult on Malay rights. As if our Constitutional protections needed draconian laws to enforce them. I wish they were as zealous in defending our right not to be robbed by a corrupt ruling elite. We don’t seem to be applying the law of the land there, let alone the ISA.

I ask you to join me in calling for the repeal of the Printing and Publications Act, and above all, the Universities and Colleges Act. I don’t see how you can pursue your student activism with such freedom and support in the UK and Eire while forgetting that your brethren at home are deprived of their basic rights of association and expression by the UCA. The UCA has done immense harm in dumbing down our universities.

We must have freedom as guaranteed under our Constitution... Freedom to assemble, associate, speak, write, move. This is basic. Even on matters of race and even on religious matters we should be able to speak freely, and we shall educate each other.

It is time to realise the dream of Dato’ Onn and the spirit of the Alliance, of Tunku Abdul Rahman. That dream was one of unity and a single Malaysian people. They went as far as they could with it in their time. Instead of taking on the torch we have reversed course. The next step for us as a country is to move beyond the infancy of race-based parties to a non-racial party system. Our race-based party system is the key political reason why we are a sick country, declining before our own eyes, with money fleeing and people telling their children not to come home after their studies.

So let us try to take 1 Malaysia seriously. Millions have been spent putting up billboards and adding the term to every conceivable thing. We even have cuti-cuti 1 Malaysia. Can’t take a normal holiday anymore.

This is all fine. Now let us see if it means anything. Let us see the Government of the day lead by example. 1 Malaysia is empty because it is propagated by a Government that promotes the racially-based party system that is the chief cause of our inability to grow up in our race relations. Our inability to grow up in our race relations is the chief reason why investors, and we ourselves, no longer have confidence in our economy. The reasons why we are behind Maldives in football, and behind the Philippines in FDI, are linked.

So let us take 1 Malaysia seriously, and convert Barisan Nasional into a party open to all citizens. Let it be a multiracial party open to direct membership. PR will be forced to do the same or be left behind the times. Then we shall have the vehicles for a two party, non-race-based system.

If Umno, MIC or MCA are afraid of losing supporters, let them get their members to join this new multiracial party. PR should do the same. Nobody need feel left out. Umno members can join en masse. The Hainanese Kopitiam Association can join whichever party they want, or both parties en masse if they like. We can maintain our cherished civil associations, however we choose to associate. But we drop all communalism when we compete for the ballot. When our candidates stand for Elections, let them ever after stand only as Malaysians, better or worse.

-- The world is a dangerous place not because of people who do evil, but because of good people who look on and do nothing about it. -- Albert Einstein

Ola...

Hello everyone. I’m sorry for the long ass hiatus as I was busy with taking care of the family and all the drama that entails in trying to raise kids under the age of 10. Nevertheless, life has been kind to me Alhamdulillah, apart from the normal blips in trying to raise the kids (who sometimes can make me lose my mind!), I do cherish the moments I spend with them really. They keep me sane from all the madness we call Life. Hubby has been home for almost 2 months, not really sure when he’ll be going back offshore but it’s been a relief to have him home to take the load off, u know what I mean? At least there's someone to help me with the groceries and manage the fixing aroud the house, the driving the kids to school in the mornings and I have my coffee buddy. Well, all is well and I'm grateful Alhamdulillah. Oh yes, I have not gotten a permanent job yet. I’ve done quite a few freelance gigs here and there and I am happy. Besides, getting a job after 35 has proven to be quite a challenge I must say and I’m not going to beat myself up like before….but, I’ll keep trying.
Ramadhan has been kind to me this year. We’ve had iftar with all of our friends on my birthday bday and I even had a bday cake. Last week, we hosted a berbuka puasa with a few of my closest friends . Underneath the stars and despite the 5000 nyamuks that surrounded us that nite, we chatted till 5am. I am grateful to Allah indeed. I woke up with a pounding headache the next day but happy as a clam!
Preparations for Hari Raya?
Been doing “some” shopping for the kids but not for myself….yet! I intend to go full force next week and getting myself the most beautiful baju kurung I can afford. I’ll leave the baking of Raya cookies to my lil’ sis coz I can’t bake to save my life. Since my maid will be heading back home to Medan next week, I guess Il’l be helping my mom with the cooking this year. I’m no Julia Child, but people say that I whip up a pretty damn good Ayam masak merah, so….fingers crossed ya? Hubby will not be joining us this year (yet again..) but I’ll make do lah..how hard can it be? Ive been doing it for years mah..

to be continued....