Now i have sumthin to say.....certainly not a topic of my choice but i just have to say what i feel.

I was absolutely esthatic when i came to the office today...I was looking forward to meet up an extremely ol' friend from my days in Damansara.

Until......................

My gang and i were called to the HOD's office for a briefing.....

Apparently I won't be travelling anymore after this...it seems that the "newbies" are not well equipped with knowledge to handle BOM's on our own...... I was pissed and quietly screaming profanities within myself.....what the fuck????? I need the money....urggghhhhhhhhhh....

But..........................

I don't blame them at all. I do have this phobia that i can't get rid of and it's speaking in public. I freeze when i get on stage. I'm more of a behind-the-scenes kinda person. I don't like attention and prefer myself to be cast in the shadows. I don't enjoy being in the limelight. I don't like confrontations and don't like being in a cross-fire. My boss says that i have a very low self esteem and very low confidence level. That i do admit.....Sometimes i ponder.....why the hell am i so scared?
Of what? Being laughed at? Being called a loser? Lecturer?

Why am i like this? What am i really scared of? Me failing up there?

Whatever....all I know is that i need to buck up before they trust me to handle BOM's alone...personal achievement for me too. I know i can, failure is not an option. I have to do it and i'll do it!!!! No choice ma!!!! Either that or i fail!!! I will not travel till i get my gig to be perfect, flawless!!!! I love my job and i intend of keeping it. I love my colleagues to death coz they're like me in a way...quirky and emo at the same time. Weird combination, i know but i love them. They make my day (sometimes..other times they can just be just so FUCKING annoying and horny like u have no idea). We're a team and a really mean it!!!!! I'll write more about them in my next posting..rite now..how do i perfect my BOM??????


You grow on people, but so does cancer.