26th December 2009.
I am fat. I feel fat. I feel like my ass is spreading its cheeks like ‘kembang semangkuk” the malays call it. My jeans feels a bit snug and my bra is somehow cutting off the air supply to the rest of my body. I’m eating like a bloody swine and everything I chow down immediately takes up residence in my ass…and my chest..and my face…everywhere. I feel utterly useless at this point as I have feel like I’ve lost my entire self possession.
I hate being fat, and the fact that I’m prohibited from making a living certainly has its effect on me. When I’m cooped up at home.. well, there’s nothing much to do except eat…till kingdom comes. I’m not sure if I can take this anymore as I am hurting myself
I miss working and the financial freedom that comes with it. I miss being in control of my own life and my spending. Not being dependent on anyone. I’ve been quite self-sufficient all my life, but now I just feel like a worthless nobody.
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