Last weekend, while in a restaurant having dinner with my husband, my son and my mom, a dull looking middle aged couple walked in and sat at the table beside me. Seated across each other, they somehow looked bored stiff with each other. He was totally absorbed on his Blackberry. His tudung’ed wife in her lame attempt to make it a night for the both of them, started chatting to him but the only thing he did was nod his stupid head, he didn’t even cared to nod in her direction, all the while his icky hairy sausages BBM’ing someone else, totally oblivious to his surroundings even when his wife had asked him what he’d like to stuff his fat face in. She appears to irk him somehow based on the rankled facial gestures he made as though he had found her utterly repulsive. They were eating dinner when a group of guys came and stood outside the place. Since the fugly moron beside me knew who these people were, he hastily sprang off his seat (as if he saw the middle aged satay man outside having the blow of his life by a blonde Swedish streetwalker!) The men stood outside and had their manly “smokes” (no pun intended!) and having the laugh of their lives. After 10 minutes or so, the man walked back in to his table, and solemnly finished his meal, all these while not saying a word to his wife. He looked like a doleful glum, somehow feeling dismal upon leaving his posse and having to return to the table to his waiting wife. The wife then calmly queried her husband whom those people were. Him, feeling somewhat “harassed” by her queries, I assume, snubbed her by pursing his lips in annoyance, as if she had no business asking about his affairs with his friends. It was that longing gaze she had on her husband, clearly feeling like a fool who’s trying desperately to start a decent conversation with her “freezer” hubby that truly tugged at my heartstrings. Sheila Majid’s song “Hitam Putih Kehidupan” unconsciously echoed in my head. I could feel my was stomach churning and I felt nauseous. I felt sorry for her. She must have thought that her own husband finds her too much of a weary bore to even want to open his pie hole to chat. Man, the thought of him pursing those fugly lips of his if she ever questions his lousy act in the sack! Ewwwwww!!!!!!! I said to myself, man..she had pledged her life to an ass! For that split second, my mind wandered off with me, wondering how they’re like when they’re alone at home..Do they talk to each other?
Does he find her a tired old bore?
Does she cry herself to sleep?
Is she in regret to have pledged her mortal life to a dead beat?
Is he kicking himself in the gonads for not marrying his soul mate?
Are they even in love with each other anymore?
After being chided by my mom for being the biggest “kepochi” alive, I ceased my quiet scrutiny of the couple and continued on with my meal, somehow feeling a rapture of a hushed resentment towards these blokes we call “men”. Why do they act the way they do? Do they seriously think they’ll remain a royal bachelor after they get hitched? Why the split personality? Do their wives bore them to death that much to have her dismissed like some bubonic plague? Do these men planned to be miserable, domineering assholes to the one they had promised to love and to cherish till death do us part? I am a cynic. Those vow on “to love for better or for worse” has made me the Doubting Thomas of this much clichéd medieval crap. I don’t believe that anyone can cherish you till death do us part, for better or for worse. People change, though not all for the better but to expect you to mould yourself into someone whom they think suits them, is purely malicious in the worse sense possible. It badgers your spirit. It maims your confidence and the worse thing is, you’re lying to the only person you should trust. Yourself. It’s heart wrenching to have the person whom you have pledged your life to shove you into a corner, as if laughing in glee seeing you wasting your life away into nothingness and forced to honor his thoughtless demands till the day you kick the bucket. Basically, you’ll be in a constant discord with yourself sooner later for giving in to these tactless fools. You become dejected and depressed. Marriage should be a union, not making your partner a hasty rival. Value yourself first above all others if your happiness is at stake. For God’s sake, stop moping and take a stand!!!!!!! Men undeniably loves being in control. It takes a bruising to his manly ego if a woman takes the rudder and tell him what to do, even if he is an empty vessel.
I feel that no one shares anything with each other anymore. I see people being too wrapped up in their own cocoon of negative self delusions and insecurities. Yes, I understand that conflicts do occur in a marriage, but it doesn’t mean that it gives anyone the God given right to take you for granted. When that happens, people go astray in hopes to be loved and cherished again. We can’t really point fingers now can we? Nobody likes the feeling of being neglected. All we ask is to be cherished, valued through our rough and ready years. You’ll be amazed at how a wounded heart can heal itself with a little touch of compassion.
It is a trend for men to label their wives as naggers, one-eyed monsters, “kepochis”, soul badgers, whatchamacallit. We become easy targets for their failures and dilemma. We get the unduly task of being blamed for a man’s frustrations, under accomplishments. We are held liable for everything horrid that happens to them. Most men will not appreciate our views even if you see them careening their high horse out of control. As a result, we are suppressed into keeping our opinions to ourselves. I simply call it “manly ego”.(and they call us girls vulnerable!)
I have personally heard a man screaming bloody murder to this poor wife when she called to just ask him where he was. What horrified the begeezus outta me was when she calmly ended the call and in tears say to me..” So I guess he’s not free to meet me today!!!” Mannnnnnnnn!!! I would have liked to grab that f*#@*&!!! gonads and hear him scream in an ear-piercing pain, pleading for mercy as I pour boiling hot lava down his f****** throat! Urggghhh.. I cannot understand and refuse to comprehend on how people can be so malevolent to one another.
I’ve once had a narcissist tacitly declared to me that a woman can never have a man as a best friend in fear of them falling in love sooner later. I beg to differ but I my very best friends now were those whom I had known throughout high school/ college/work. These are the people whom have gone to become a huge part of my better self. They make me happy. No strings attached. They have been my confidant, my “binging” buddies, 4am coffee buddies, weekend car shopping buddies, the friend you could call to talk if you have a power trip at home at night, alone and scared shitless. Some have even gone through colossal lengths to help me when I needed their help. Who made these narcissists king of the world and tell you that you can’t be the best of friends with the other sex? Not everything has to involve “physical interaction” lah. Attempt to lecture me about the heavens above and I won’t still be able to rationalize this selfish medieval theory. This preconceived notion that we, (usually the weaker sex, as you guys so thoughtfully label us) are pathetic love fools is utterly juvenile. It is solely based on their own insecurities, creating their own self doubts and I find it LAME! We know a jerk when we see one. I’m not a moron. The gender is of irrelevance to me. It is the intention that matters the most. Period.
A woman is considered disrespectful to be yelling or thrashing her husband, or even questioning his actions. They would say that he’s in an “abusive” relationship and he will end up calling Befrienders if he’s feeling suicidal or maybe TeleDera if he feels he’s being “tweaked” the wrong way.. Boo hoo hoo!! Attacking his pride renders her insolent. If it happens to women like us, it is considered alright because his word is law and she’s deemed a Super Saint for having the gumption to endure such lousy treatment from her husband. We cannot change our past. We can’t change the fact that people act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. My late father raised me so I can stand on mountains, not buried beneath it. If you are, then get your ass back up because if you really put your mind to it, you can accomplish anything. He also taught me to be more than I can possibly be. A wise man he was.
In my personal experience, not everyone will know what’s good for you. In my religion, we’ll be guaranteed a spot in the “Se7enth Heavens” for being such saints to these domineering bullies. So it is alright for us to be treated like household trash during our mortal life here on earth, only to be treated like gold when we croak. Defy this and you risk having your ass burnt to a crisp in hell.
My guess, God must be a man.
