Have I Done Everything Right??????????

I'm not sure why that matters: I've heard it's who I am now that counts, it's just that sometimes I wonder what parts of myself got left behind. I'll stumble across a memory and it'll seem so foreign. I'm sure it's a sign of my age.

I’m turning 32 next month, so I'm by no means geriatric - but I'm all grown-up. That concept, aspired to for so many childhood years, and dreaded from the moment I reached 18 and realized clubbing and drinking wasn't half as much fun when it was legal.

I'm grown-up because I can no longer down 10 vodkas and claim to be sober. I smoke, I know it’s bad for my health. That’ll be the death of me, I’m sure! I have cellulite on the backs of my thighs. My hair is way too short. I'd love to lose like a 100 kilos, if only for everyone to tell me I was too skinny and have to eat cake until I put it all back on again. Yeah rite!!! I love food too much to diet. I absolutely have no freakin’ idea where life will take me. I have a good job, but still feel I should've achieved more.

From eighteen to twenty-four, I was a party girl. Been there done that kinda girl. I broke some hearts and also had my heart broken once or twice along the way. I lost sight of my sensible streak i guess and just wanted to be out there. Then I got hitched and had kids. I've almost gone full-circle now, my serious side is back in power. I've kept most of the same friends, and have new ones too. Some people have faded away, that makes me sad sometimes but I think that's life - people move on and build their own lives.

This past week I had a bit of a crisis over all this - the fact that I have no definitive plan, I've never had expectations of where I should be at this age or what I want to achieve before I'm 35. I haven't mapped it all out. Having said that, I've seen people get very upset where they've made plans which haven't come into fruition, so maybe it's a good thing that I just take it as it comes.

One of my best friends made me feel better the other day.

He said, " Sita, sometimes, you have to try and imagine how you as a child would see you now, and all the things you have achieved."
Looking at it that way, I think there's lots that my child-self would've been quite pleased with.

That made feel much better. And it’s a sign that “I’VE NOT GONE ENTIRELY BONKERS!!!”

Now for another mug of steamin’ hot coffee!!!