Me, My Friends and I

Recent events have caused me to reflect on my own methods of living and dealing. There are no hidden messages here, just me sorting my thoughts out. If you are looking for transparent honesty... well, that’s me. I am blunt. I am polite but straight forward. I know no other way to be. On the other hand, I do my best not to stomp on others and will restrain my tongue to curtail any outspoken lashings. Everything in moderation i'd say.

I spent well over half my life trying to match the mold of what I believed would allow me to fit in where I so anxiously wanted to belong. Until a few months ago, this all changed. I learned self confidence. I nurtured real, reciprocated friendships, which I value a lot. I became VERY aware of many issues that kept me in the dark place where I once lived.

Today... I am not perfect, I have undeniable flaws, raw scabs and fading scars. Only true friends will point these out, only to love me more. This works both ways, you see!! Those who are important to me did not earn this "status" demonstrating their faultless personas, but by revealing their true character, blemishes and all. Friends who are genuine and has no hidden agendas. Got a lot of those bloody losers to. This points out the hideousness and how screwed up they really are. They've got a lot of issues, I will tell you that. What do I do now? Tell them to "scram and get the hell outta my life". But some tend to slowly, painfully manage to "claw" their way back in, to my utter disgust, I might add.

There is a saying, "I can count the number of friends in one hand." Well, too many quite honestly counting the number of friends in one hand, would really be a lot of friends; actually. And, yes I write about personal and leadership development; but I must say, True, True, True friends are truly hard to come by. And, yes I do have friends that I can not only count in one hand but in both of my hands and they are; good, good, real good friends; but, there is however; one special friend that truly stands out above all others. I will reserve the name of this "unique" individual for the moment as first; I would like to discuss the variables of what made this particular individual so special.

A friend is a teacher, but to teach one has to have a knowledge base that is equipped with a packed history of experiences. You see this special friend had the disposition of being one of the most street smart individuals I ever met.
You see this is how you make a friend…. by sharing your wisdom, by being strong willed, by standing firm during adversity, by being there to listen, by teaching what you know, being a team player, by serving others by knowing your voice instantaneously even after not hearing it for years, by saying he’ll never your side. This is just a small glimpse of my friend as there is so much more to be said about him, but will wait for further elaboration in my future postings.


We all have strong suits and weaknesses, likes and dislikes, challenges and triumphs, opinions and ignorances. This is what makes us unique, and in lieu of forgoing this, we cannot all fit together like a jigsaw. Mashing the “pieces” together will not change this, but will damage them instead.

Therefore, parts of me may not suit the likes of all people I come across. BUT I respect them for that and find that over time, feelings can change, building scenarios I couldn’t have conjured up with the help of 1000 monkeys. We evolve, our dimensions grow and ebb. Life hands us challenges. Mine in recent years has handed me some real assholes. Jerks. Pond Scum!!!!The friends who are tried and true were there, however other folks - friends from "other circles of influence" came out of the woodwork with amazing generosity. Their giving and caring presence of which truly and absolutely floored me.

Friends come and go..... but sometimes we find ourselves on different paths, perhaps paths contrary enough that it gets to be time to wish someone well and no longer be friends. Sometimes that takes a level of honesty and courage. Some never find the gumption to let go of a negative influencing friend. In true honesty, I would be crushed if I were to ever lose a friend I trust, love and respect. It's slim pickings out there-lah!

Last year I made many many new friends. Some here through my blog, some through my work, others recently through the oddest set of circumstances...ever......

.........and I mean ever.I love making new friends. I find that it challenges my ability to be open to new experiences. It also enriches my being...sometimes to the very core of my soul.

What do I learn most from my friends? They teach me that....

I am not always perfect. I too make mistakes. My friends allow me that gracious place to be human.

That each of us have something different to bring to the table.

I know that I could never be without them, that I treasure them.

That the ones I can laugh with, like laugh really really hard with? (some say like a hyena, but who the hell cares?) They are the best of all.

Likewise, I may not enjoy the whims of another. It is in my nature to avoid stating my distaste unless it is literally requested, like in your face!! I let people be. –If they are committing some illegal or otherwise wrong act that impacts myself or those I care about, I may be spurned to action, though rarely. I don’t mean that this affords me license to judge or preach, and I am always eager to hear the flip side of the story. Devil’s advocate is a hat I often wear, much to the dismay of some.


In arguments, I tend to maintain a rather objective perspective, unless caught up in the frenzy of the moment (an occasional poor habit, i apologize). My motto is “it is what it is” and if I don’t like it... well, I deal with it. I veer away if I can, or take a day to mull it over. Figure it out and move on. Period. I don't need them to weigh me down. NOT ANYMORE!!!!!!!

My point is, I don't let things get to me, and if they slither(some can be such a snake!) their way through my defenses then I sit on it for awhile. Time has this remarkable tendency of arousing my objectivity when it has been lost.
Analyzing a situation for what it is, not who has done/said what, also brings me greater clarity. Not to say that they should be discounted, but set aside emotions for a moment and see what is left. If the argument is carried on a wave of emotions, I often find that there really is no substance behind the it.

Flaws. I struggle to understand how others do not share this attitude. A true friend will love you for who you are, and not someone he/she hopes you may become. Someone that knows of your flaws, but neither ridicules or ignores them. A true friend will stick by you, no matter what!!! What is it that makes a true friend? Someone you can share both your joys and troubles with. Delighting in your triumphs, and comforting your sorrows…A true friend cares.


So, next time when I feel down about myself, I’ll take a good look at my accomplishments, big and small, and realize there's much to be proud of, both inside and out.