Funny Quotes on Marriage

Funny quotes I found on the net.....:)

1. Marriage is an adventure, like going to war.
2. Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit
3. My wife suggested a book for me to read to enhance our relationship. It’s titled, “Women are from Venus. Men are Wrong.”
4. When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
5. It’s a funny thing that when a man hasn’t anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married.
6. Love is blind, marriage is the eye-opener.
7. I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
8. A man in love is incomplete until he is married. Then he’s finished.
9. Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serve you; after marriage, he won’t even lay down his newspaper to talk to you.
10. There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage.
11. Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, ‘You’re only interested in one thing,’ and you can’t remember what it is.
12. Marriage is give and take. You’d better give it to her or she’ll take it anyway
13. The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.
14. My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
15. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
16. A man’s wife has more power over him than the state has.
17. In my house I’m the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.
18. Marriage–a book of which the first chapter is written in poetry and the remaining chapters written in prose.
19. A bachelor is a man who never makes the same mistake once.
20. My husband said he needed more space. So I locked him outside.
21. The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he’s a baby.
22. I fell in love at first sight… I should have looked twice.
23. Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.
24. The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
25. Marriage is like a hot bath. Once you get used to it, it’s not so hot.
26. Compromise: An amiable arrangement between husband and wife whereby they agree to let her have her own way.
27. I’ve had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn’t.
28. Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays
29. The appropriate age for marriage is around eighteen for girls and thirty-seven for men.
30. Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn’t, they’d be married too.
31. I got rid of my husband. The cat was allergic.
32. I require only three things of a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid.
33. Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, and half-shut afterwards.
34. I never knew what real happiness was until I got married. And by then it was too late.
35. Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.
36. Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
37. After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can’t face each other, but still they stay together. 
38. I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
39. When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife is.
40. Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of person your spouse would have really preferred
41. The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once
42. Yawn - Nature's way of letting married men open their mouths
43. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
44. A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.