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Friends Like This
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I’m not a mean person. I like to think that I’ll have friends during my time of need. Friends are very important to me, so is family. They keep me grounded and I need them to constantly remind me on where I stand in life.
You need friends and family to give you a pat on the back for a job well done
You need friends n family when you need a shoulder to cry on.
You need them when you’re short of cash too….. (soft loan la)
Some friends will tell you straight that you have bad hair or that you shoes don’t match your outfit!!
Some friends will notice when something’s bugging the hell outta you and ask if u wanna talk bout it.
I need my friends around me. I don’t have a lot of them, but those who has stuck by me during the good and bad times….well…boleh kire beb! U guys know who you are! I had friends who stole from me! A month later, his car go stolen!!!!! That I call cash n carry, my dear friends!
I have friends who mistreat one another.
I have friends who belittles other friends, especially if they find out the other’s weakness. I’m very protective of my friends and it’s sad to see them being put down like that. We all have our flaws…FUCK… No one’s perfect. But I do know what goes around, comes around. It’s all cash & carry!
You live and you shall learn. I have a motto in life…
“ Be Nice To People On Your Way Up, Coz You Might Meet Them On Your Way Down!”
This I Like!!!!
Kekasih Awal Dan Akhir
Malam menanti siang
Siang menanti malam
Bagai berkurun lamanya
Masa memisahkan kita
Hingga terlupa
Pada paras lupa
Malam mencari mimpi
Siang mencari erti
Tersingkap seribu makna
Terucap seribu kata
Terlepaslah... rahsia
Sekian lama terpisah
Akhirnya bertemu
Mengenang dosa
Mengenang rindu
Dan ternyatalah
Cintaku yang satu...
Kau kekasih awal dan akhir
Kau kekasih zahir dan batin
Setelah ku sedari
Cintamu yang abadi
Takku harap takku peduli
Walau bulan jatuh kebumi
Dan hadir bidadari
Tak kumimpikan lagi
Kerana KAU lebih mengerti
Kerana KAU lebih mengerti
TIRED
Sigh….
There’s a lot of things that been buggin’ me these past few days. I dun feel like myself now. I’m tired. I’m just tired.
I’m tired of living a lie……
I’m tired of trying to make sense on how my life had turned out
I’m tired in having to figure out everything
I’m tired of wearing the pants in the family
I’m tired of being tired all the time
I’m tired of the shit people give me….when they know I’m going thru a rough patch in my life right now.
I’m tired of being a wife sometimes…but NEVER a mom.
I’m tired of constantly being disappointed.
I’m upset when I see how people can be mean to you coz you’re just not up there with these snooty bitches!
I’m upset by how family can be so mean to each other. Especially aunties from my dad’s side. (u know who you are)…the snooty ugly bitch whose hubby screwed my family. Father figure konon. You and your wife can rot in hell and die die die…..X10! I hate your guts..and the overpowering designer imposter perfume u bring in with you during gatherings. You smell like manure!!!! To pretend that u didn’t see me when u did. You are pathetic, both husband and wife! I hate your disgusting face and I hate your husband’s disgusting habit. I dun care if you read this. I’ve made my feelings known when I last saw you, too bad u were too stupid to notice. I’m so tempted to publish your names here, assholes!!!!! I’ve got daggers for you two old crap!
Against All Odds......
How can I just let you walk away, just let you leave without a trace,When I stand here taking every breath with you,You're the only one who really knew me at all!
How can you just walk away from me,when all I can do is watch you leave? Cos we've shared the laughter and the pain and even shared the tears,You're the only one who really knew me at all!
So take a look at me now, cos there's just an empty space. And there's nothing left here to remind me,just the memory of your face.Just take a look at me now, well there's just an empty space. And you coming back to me is against the odds and that's what I've got to face.
I wish I could just make you turn around, turn around and see me cry.There's so much I need to say to you, so many reasons why...
You're the only one who really knew me at all
So take a look at me now, well there's just an empty space. And there's nothing left here to remind me, just the memory of your face. Just take a look at me now, cos there's just an empty space.......
But to wait for you, that's all I can do and that's what I've got to face. Just take a look at me now, cos I'll still be standing here. And you coming back to me is against all odds.
It's a chance I've got to take.
Just take a look at me now.
What Happened La?
I had a bad start even after I spent the most precious time with my kids during the weekend.
What bad start?
First, I had this really unsettling feeling on my way to work. Something wasn’t rite! But I didn’t know what it was!
I then received a phone call.
I found out that someone I really care about is separating. They’ve had problems for the longest time. I don’t condone separating/divorce but I’m not that person who’s suffering. It’s selfish for me to tell them to stay together if they’ve really tried everything possible to keep their marriage intact.
The only downside of it all is that the kid will be separated from his parents. I love the lil’ boy to death and wud do anything to protect him. He’s just the most jovial lil’ boy.
I was listening to Bon Jovi’s song “Always” and I cried my eyes out. I was at home alone n I couldn’t stop thinking about them. I’m very, very sad!
Seeing his parents fight will definitely scar him and it saddens me that he’s going thru this rough patch with his parents. It’s not your fault baby…….u didn’t do anything wrong!
But if you’re better off being friends than lovers, then I guess it’s ok. When the love is gone, there’s no way in hell you’ll get it back. U cannot simply force yourself to love a person. Love comes from within u, not to be forced upon. I know that first hand *wink*
To the one I care about, whatever u decide, u know that I’m here to support you 110%!!!
I’m always around if u need a shoulder to cry on. I’m not going anywhere!
What bad start?
First, I had this really unsettling feeling on my way to work. Something wasn’t rite! But I didn’t know what it was!
I then received a phone call.
I found out that someone I really care about is separating. They’ve had problems for the longest time. I don’t condone separating/divorce but I’m not that person who’s suffering. It’s selfish for me to tell them to stay together if they’ve really tried everything possible to keep their marriage intact.
The only downside of it all is that the kid will be separated from his parents. I love the lil’ boy to death and wud do anything to protect him. He’s just the most jovial lil’ boy.
I was listening to Bon Jovi’s song “Always” and I cried my eyes out. I was at home alone n I couldn’t stop thinking about them. I’m very, very sad!
Seeing his parents fight will definitely scar him and it saddens me that he’s going thru this rough patch with his parents. It’s not your fault baby…….u didn’t do anything wrong!
But if you’re better off being friends than lovers, then I guess it’s ok. When the love is gone, there’s no way in hell you’ll get it back. U cannot simply force yourself to love a person. Love comes from within u, not to be forced upon. I know that first hand *wink*
To the one I care about, whatever u decide, u know that I’m here to support you 110%!!!
I’m always around if u need a shoulder to cry on. I’m not going anywhere!
I've Got The Blues!
Haven't been bloggin for a while. Seriously, i just can't find the time to do it. Plus i'm lazy. So, my the little time i have, here goes!
Just came back from a working trip to the East Coast. Nothin' new there coz i've been there a couple of times.Overall it was very a productive trip.
Anyhoo...got some things on my mind right now. Can't quite focus on anything anymore. Sharil n i are about to take a big leap into the future. Of course it's gonna affect me B-I-G time but if we don't act now, they'll never be another chance. I'm just worried about the welfare of my kids...that's all. His nature of work will definitely keep him away from us, but if he doesn't do it, well...they'll never be a another chance.
I saw the change it brought to my friend and he's very well off. But i'll be alone most of the time. I depend on Shahril for a lot of things...stupid i know! With him not being around, who do i talk to at night? or when i have problems i can't solve by myself?
Or when i'm sick at home? Or when i'm bored? Who do i turn to? He's not exactly a hoot when it comes to jokes, but i'll miss him if he goes away.......sigh!
I'll miss that moody, whiny, ol' skool scrappy hubby of mine!
Not Being There Enuff.....
Feel like crap today. I keep thinking of someone i knew a long time ago. That person has changed a lot since we last met. Don't know what the hell happened during those years we lost touch. Maybe me not being around? I dunno but i feel helpless for not being able to help my friend. I value our friendship..but how can i tell my friend? He was the one i told everything to.I mean EVERYTHING! We use to tell each other everything. During the years we were apart, i told myself that i'm better off without him around. But i felt a part of me missing. I had no one to talk to. I felt
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alone.
Then i heard he got married.
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.i felt even more alone. And alone ever since.
We both lost our way it seems. So near and yet so far!
Lay a whisper on my pillow
Leave the winter on the ground
I wake up lonely, is there a silence
In the bedroom and all around
Touch me now, I close my eyes
And dream away...
It must have been love, but it's over now
It must have been good, but I lost it somehow
It must have been love, but it's over now
From the moment we touched till the time had run out
Make believing we're together
That I'm sheltered by your heart
But in and outside I turn to water
Like a teardrop in your palm
And it's a hard winter's day
I dream away...
It must have been love, but it's over now
It was all that I wanted, now I'm living without
It must have been love, but it's over now
It's where the water flows, it's where the wind blows
It must have been love, but it's over now
It must have been good, but I lost it somehow
It must have been love, but it's over now
From the moment we touched till the time had run out
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alone.
Then i heard he got married.
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.i felt even more alone. And alone ever since.
We both lost our way it seems. So near and yet so far!
Lay a whisper on my pillow
Leave the winter on the ground
I wake up lonely, is there a silence
In the bedroom and all around
Touch me now, I close my eyes
And dream away...
It must have been love, but it's over now
It must have been good, but I lost it somehow
It must have been love, but it's over now
From the moment we touched till the time had run out
Make believing we're together
That I'm sheltered by your heart
But in and outside I turn to water
Like a teardrop in your palm
And it's a hard winter's day
I dream away...
It must have been love, but it's over now
It was all that I wanted, now I'm living without
It must have been love, but it's over now
It's where the water flows, it's where the wind blows
It must have been love, but it's over now
It must have been good, but I lost it somehow
It must have been love, but it's over now
From the moment we touched till the time had run out
The Flu
Had the flu after coming back from the East Coast. Felt like crap the morning after. Sneezed my way thru work and felt like like crap during lunch. Everything was blocked and my head was spinning. H called me Sneezy Sita and i know i was annoying everyone with my nose blowing and headaches!
By the end of the day, it had gotten worse and i felt feverish oredi. As much as i dread going to the doctor's, i think i might just have to. CRAP.....
Smoking Hazard........
I lit a ciggie after dinner last nite and leisurely puffing away, minding my own business.My son opened the sliding door and was visibly sad by what he saw.
He said "Mama, why do you want to isap rokok again? Later your lungs will turn black and you will die. Who's gonna take care of me and Erin then? Erin kecik lagi.
I looked at him in disbelief and amazement. My son has grown so much and can finally see that his mum is literally killing herself. He's worried, i know. I've been smoking this shit since i was in school and had never stopped since. I light up when i'm stressed, when i run out of ideas to write, with friends,i smoke even more when i'm alone...tried to stop...nicotine patch, pills,etc but i tend to eat more. I become this horrible grumpy bitch and i tend to scare people away by being so mean to them. To the very people who genuinely cares for my well- being and health. Concerned mortals who loves me enuff to remind me. Worst of all, how cud i betray my son's trust? Why do i still do it.
I've read everything from the book by Alan Carr (konon bestseller!) That went bust...
The only time i stopped was when i had an asthma attack 2 years back. I was sick, grumpy 24/7. Shahril couldn't stand being around me. That's how i'm when i'm sick & can't smoke. A freakin' time bomb.
It's time. If not for my health, then it would be for my babies. I want to see them grow up, thru college, get married.
I want to be their future, not their past.........
My Babies.....................
I really miss my babies. It’s been 6 days since I last saw my babies and it breaks my heart when I hear Ezane askin me when I’ll be home. I miss little Erin too. I miss seeing her in her walker, her tiny fingers trying to open the drawer cabinets, licking the TV remote. I miss breathing in her baby smell…I miss bathing her…putting her to sleep in my arms…I even miss changing her pam-pam. I miss watching Ben 10 and 300 with Ezane. I miss sending him to school in the mornings.. I miss putting him to sleep beside me at nite… Sumtimes I wonder…What kind of a mother am i? Am I doing enuff ? Am I doing my best to shelter them from the cruel harsh reality of the world? I want to be there when she takes her first steps….but I just can’t afford to stay home. God….I miss them soooooooooo much it hurts… I’ll be travelling again to Johor and Melaka 2moro..I don’t know when I’ll see them again…but I don’t have a choice. brought them into the world and it’s my responsibility to provide them with the best possible care a mother could give. I wish there were more hours in the day though! *sigh*…………….. Maybe I can bring them to the Dino Park in Lake Gardens this weekend.
Ezane called me in Temerloh and gleefully told me that Erin is teething. Can’t wait to go home to them
I Did It My M*#@F*&%@*? Way!!!!
This lyrics means a lot to me!!!!!! Thought i wud share it with you people!!!
And now, the end is near;
And so I face the final curtain.
My friend, I'll say it clear,
I'll state my case, of which I'm certain.
I've lived a life that's full.
I've traveled each and ev'ry highway;
But more, much more than this,
I did it my way.
Regrets, I've had a few;
But then again, too few to mention.
I did what I had to do
And saw it through without exemption.
I planned each charted course;
Each careful step along the byway,
But more, much more than this,
I did it my way.
Yes, there were times, I'm sure you knew
When I bit off more than I could chew.
But through it all, when there was doubt,
I ate it up and spit it out.
I faced it all and I stood tall;
And did it my way.
I've loved, I've laughed and cried.
I've had my fill; my share of losing.
And now, as tears subside,
I find it all so amusing.
To think I did all that;
And may I say - not in a shy way,
"No, oh no not me,
I did it my way".
For what is a man, what has he got?
If not himself, then he has naught.
To say the things he truly feels;
And not the words of one who kneels.
The record shows I took the blows -
And did it my way!
And now, the end is near;
And so I face the final curtain.
My friend, I'll say it clear,
I'll state my case, of which I'm certain.
I've lived a life that's full.
I've traveled each and ev'ry highway;
But more, much more than this,
I did it my way.
Regrets, I've had a few;
But then again, too few to mention.
I did what I had to do
And saw it through without exemption.
I planned each charted course;
Each careful step along the byway,
But more, much more than this,
I did it my way.
Yes, there were times, I'm sure you knew
When I bit off more than I could chew.
But through it all, when there was doubt,
I ate it up and spit it out.
I faced it all and I stood tall;
And did it my way.
I've loved, I've laughed and cried.
I've had my fill; my share of losing.
And now, as tears subside,
I find it all so amusing.
To think I did all that;
And may I say - not in a shy way,
"No, oh no not me,
I did it my way".
For what is a man, what has he got?
If not himself, then he has naught.
To say the things he truly feels;
And not the words of one who kneels.
The record shows I took the blows -
And did it my way!
After All We've Been Through...*sigh*
Well here we are again
I guess it must be fate
We've tried it on our own
But deep inside we've known
We'd be back to set things straight
I still remember when
Your kiss was so brand new
Every memory repeats
Every step I take retreats
Every journey always brings me back to you
After all the stops and starts
We keep coming back to these two hearts
Two angels who've been rescued from the fall
After all that we've been through
It all comes down to me and you
I guess it's meant to be
Forever you and me
After all
When love is truly right
It lives from year to year
It changes as it goes
And on the way it grows
But it never disappears
Always just beyond my touch
You know I needed you so much
After all, what else is living for?
I guess it must be fate
We've tried it on our own
But deep inside we've known
We'd be back to set things straight
I still remember when
Your kiss was so brand new
Every memory repeats
Every step I take retreats
Every journey always brings me back to you
After all the stops and starts
We keep coming back to these two hearts
Two angels who've been rescued from the fall
After all that we've been through
It all comes down to me and you
I guess it's meant to be
Forever you and me
After all
When love is truly right
It lives from year to year
It changes as it goes
And on the way it grows
But it never disappears
Always just beyond my touch
You know I needed you so much
After all, what else is living for?
Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
‘Cause I love you, whether it’s wrong or right
And though I can’t be with you tonightYou know my heart is by your side
Sceptics!
Where do I start?
Just came back from a trip to Melaka. Wasn’t suppose to stay overnite but the response was fantastic. Fantastic is an understatement. It was mega, superbly, well received! We’ve got real leaders in the making there. We call her “Minah Redah”….which means to gate crash…I met a lot of ppl with different illnesses and felt very sorry for them. I wish I was filthy rich so that I could help them. These are ppl who genuinely needs help but…..*sigh*…. This particular lady reached out to me. This sweet ol’ lady is only 60+ but she looks 80+. Suffering from arthiritis, she’s on homeopathic treatment but her condition is still the same, though. Her son is 47+ and suffering form what I gather a mild stroke, but his family insisted that he’s mentally ill . I don’t think he is but who am I to say anything? It breaks my heart to know that there are ppl out there who desperately needs this product but couldn’t afford it, but u have this rich bastards who’s filthy rich but prefers hospital medication. And they’re intellectuals!!!! What are they scared of? Scared of trying? Do they even know what they put in those pills they’re taking? Chemicals!
I know this works, I’ve seen it with my own eyes, even tried it and I feel great. I was a skeptic (I’m not that well myself) but this product seriously made me feel better. I no longer suffer from asthma attacks and I don’t feel sluggish when I wake up in the mornings. *sigh*…. I wish that I could overcome my fear of confined spaces…yup..yup..yup…I’m a claustrophobic!
Just wish that some ppl would just try it out and see the wonders it does to you.
“You see things; and you say, 'Why?' But I dream things that never were; and I say, 'Why not?'”
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I’M NOW A BELIEVER!!!!
“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.”
Just came back from a trip to Melaka. Wasn’t suppose to stay overnite but the response was fantastic. Fantastic is an understatement. It was mega, superbly, well received! We’ve got real leaders in the making there. We call her “Minah Redah”….which means to gate crash…I met a lot of ppl with different illnesses and felt very sorry for them. I wish I was filthy rich so that I could help them. These are ppl who genuinely needs help but…..*sigh*…. This particular lady reached out to me. This sweet ol’ lady is only 60+ but she looks 80+. Suffering from arthiritis, she’s on homeopathic treatment but her condition is still the same, though. Her son is 47+ and suffering form what I gather a mild stroke, but his family insisted that he’s mentally ill . I don’t think he is but who am I to say anything? It breaks my heart to know that there are ppl out there who desperately needs this product but couldn’t afford it, but u have this rich bastards who’s filthy rich but prefers hospital medication. And they’re intellectuals!!!! What are they scared of? Scared of trying? Do they even know what they put in those pills they’re taking? Chemicals!
I know this works, I’ve seen it with my own eyes, even tried it and I feel great. I was a skeptic (I’m not that well myself) but this product seriously made me feel better. I no longer suffer from asthma attacks and I don’t feel sluggish when I wake up in the mornings. *sigh*…. I wish that I could overcome my fear of confined spaces…yup..yup..yup…I’m a claustrophobic!
Just wish that some ppl would just try it out and see the wonders it does to you.
“You see things; and you say, 'Why?' But I dream things that never were; and I say, 'Why not?'”
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I’M NOW A BELIEVER!!!!
“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.”
Yo' Mama Jokes!!!| Yo mama so ugly when she joined an ugly contest, they said "Sorry, no professionals." |
Yo mama so ugly the government moved Halloween to her birthday.
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Slutty Bitch........
What can i say?
We finish each other's sentences, insults, and sumtimes.........food! She's headstrong and stubborn and just plain weird. She puts you in a daze. Some ppl just don't get her. She's weird......
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wonderfully weird
She's got two volumes.....
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loud.... and
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LOUDER!!!!!!!
She's talks about crap and more crap as the day goes by........but at the end of the day.... it makes perfect sense. With her hill billy accent, she's on a roll wherever she's at. Most ppl view her as an over- confident bitch with an attitude....... but i like her. Not only b coz she's my friend, but a damn good friend at that. We've known each other like forever...eversince kindergarten, primary, secondary school (i got kicked out half way thru school) and went to the same college.
We parted ways after that.....until i got my dear friend hooked on her (long story there.....). They got hitched and been happily married since. They're VERY loving (i know this first hand) and I love her to death. She was there 4 me when all they others was a no-show. We starved,(yana, if ur reading this, remember the cokodok episode?) cried ,vented our anger on each other but we remain true to each other. I don't usually tee a person up, but for her...it is an exception. She believes in me (not many ppl do that) and sees me for who i really i'am. I don't have to pretend to be somenone else when iam with her. I'm truly blessed that we have each other's friendship. Her name is Tantiyana. Yana or Slutty Bitch.
Ol' Friends.............Are Hard To Find.....
Had a wonderful nite last Tuesday. found a long lost dear friend from school and we agreed to meet up to have dinner. We merely text-ed each other to communicate. Babu finally called me in the afternoon. It was so good to hear from him. He sounded the same in the phone. We finally agreed to meet for dinner in Uptown Damansara@8.00pm. There i was, waiting for this fucker to show up and he finally came @ 8.30pm. Words could not describe how i felt when i saw him.............not alone.............but with 2 other long lost friends, Nanwi & Ain. Wanted to scream my bloody lungs out but there were too many ppl there. I hugged them and said i missed them so much. I do......
We lost contact 10 years ago due to a falling out. Major falling out.Looooong story. I swore that i'd never be friends with them ever again. But this all changed when "someone" gave me Babu's hp no. Shahril called and found out that he's back in KL for a holiday. He was over the moon when he heard Shahril's voice..........
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During our time apart, Ain had married Nanwi and they have 2 kids. Babu is also married with 3 boys. I married Shahril and have 2 beautiful boy n girl. Only Babu married an "outsider", others married ppl within the group. Anyhoo, we had dinner and we ended up talking and borak2 till 2.30am. We didn't want that nite to end but Ain's children were restless...Pity them pulak. We finally went home and Nanwi said that during our time apart, he kept coming back to the same gerai to look for us....even handed the stall owner his hp no, just in case i'm there to makan2. Sadly, we never crossed paths. After all this while, we found out that they're actually staying just a mere 8 minutes from i live. All these years...... He said that we should forget our differences and be best friends again. True. I just hope that i won't lose them again. Then we drove off........reluctantly in different directions. Will we ever meet again? Will we ever be best of friends again?
We lost contact 10 years ago due to a falling out. Major falling out.Looooong story. I swore that i'd never be friends with them ever again. But this all changed when "someone" gave me Babu's hp no. Shahril called and found out that he's back in KL for a holiday. He was over the moon when he heard Shahril's voice..........
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During our time apart, Ain had married Nanwi and they have 2 kids. Babu is also married with 3 boys. I married Shahril and have 2 beautiful boy n girl. Only Babu married an "outsider", others married ppl within the group. Anyhoo, we had dinner and we ended up talking and borak2 till 2.30am. We didn't want that nite to end but Ain's children were restless...Pity them pulak. We finally went home and Nanwi said that during our time apart, he kept coming back to the same gerai to look for us....even handed the stall owner his hp no, just in case i'm there to makan2. Sadly, we never crossed paths. After all this while, we found out that they're actually staying just a mere 8 minutes from i live. All these years...... He said that we should forget our differences and be best friends again. True. I just hope that i won't lose them again. Then we drove off........reluctantly in different directions. Will we ever meet again? Will we ever be best of friends again?
Now i have sumthin to say.....certainly not a topic of my choice but i just have to say what i feel.
I was absolutely esthatic when i came to the office today...I was looking forward to meet up an extremely ol' friend from my days in Damansara.
Until......................
My gang and i were called to the HOD's office for a briefing.....
Apparently I won't be travelling anymore after this...it seems that the "newbies" are not well equipped with knowledge to handle BOM's on our own...... I was pissed and quietly screaming profanities within myself.....what the fuck????? I need the money....urggghhhhhhhhhh....
But..........................
I don't blame them at all. I do have this phobia that i can't get rid of and it's speaking in public. I freeze when i get on stage. I'm more of a behind-the-scenes kinda person. I don't like attention and prefer myself to be cast in the shadows. I don't enjoy being in the limelight. I don't like confrontations and don't like being in a cross-fire. My boss says that i have a very low self esteem and very low confidence level. That i do admit.....Sometimes i ponder.....why the hell am i so scared?
Of what? Being laughed at? Being called a loser? Lecturer?
Why am i like this? What am i really scared of? Me failing up there?
Whatever....all I know is that i need to buck up before they trust me to handle BOM's alone...personal achievement for me too. I know i can, failure is not an option. I have to do it and i'll do it!!!! No choice ma!!!! Either that or i fail!!! I will not travel till i get my gig to be perfect, flawless!!!! I love my job and i intend of keeping it. I love my colleagues to death coz they're like me in a way...quirky and emo at the same time. Weird combination, i know but i love them. They make my day (sometimes..other times they can just be just so FUCKING annoying and horny like u have no idea). We're a team and a really mean it!!!!! I'll write more about them in my next posting..rite now..how do i perfect my BOM??????
You grow on people, but so does cancer.
I was absolutely esthatic when i came to the office today...I was looking forward to meet up an extremely ol' friend from my days in Damansara.
Until......................
My gang and i were called to the HOD's office for a briefing.....
Apparently I won't be travelling anymore after this...it seems that the "newbies" are not well equipped with knowledge to handle BOM's on our own...... I was pissed and quietly screaming profanities within myself.....what the fuck????? I need the money....urggghhhhhhhhhh....
But..........................
I don't blame them at all. I do have this phobia that i can't get rid of and it's speaking in public. I freeze when i get on stage. I'm more of a behind-the-scenes kinda person. I don't like attention and prefer myself to be cast in the shadows. I don't enjoy being in the limelight. I don't like confrontations and don't like being in a cross-fire. My boss says that i have a very low self esteem and very low confidence level. That i do admit.....Sometimes i ponder.....why the hell am i so scared?
Of what? Being laughed at? Being called a loser? Lecturer?
Why am i like this? What am i really scared of? Me failing up there?
Whatever....all I know is that i need to buck up before they trust me to handle BOM's alone...personal achievement for me too. I know i can, failure is not an option. I have to do it and i'll do it!!!! No choice ma!!!! Either that or i fail!!! I will not travel till i get my gig to be perfect, flawless!!!! I love my job and i intend of keeping it. I love my colleagues to death coz they're like me in a way...quirky and emo at the same time. Weird combination, i know but i love them. They make my day (sometimes..other times they can just be just so FUCKING annoying and horny like u have no idea). We're a team and a really mean it!!!!! I'll write more about them in my next posting..rite now..how do i perfect my BOM??????
You grow on people, but so does cancer.
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